I'm glad you could join us at the sperm bank today. We're really in desperate need for your donation, but unfortunately all of our jack-off materials were stolen!

So, you’ve been coming to therapy for a while now and I’m just not seeing as many improvements as I would like. I feel like we should be making more progress.

Ok, so I lied. I didn't invite you over here because I'm having car trouble. I invited you over because I need to know the truth . . . you see, my best friend went on a date with you last week, and she had some very interesting things to say about your . . . um . . . anatomy. She said you had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. Not just in real life either. She said you were bigger than any male porn star, too.